Continuing with the horrific news yesterday about Santa giving Christmas over to Satan, children have run amok, picking their noses in public, wetting themselves at inopportune moments, like when daddy is having an impromptu chat with his boss at the gun store, and, if under 3 years old, defecating in their own underpants like common animals in a zoo.Parents were shocked to learn their children had no manners, and, ignoring Santa's advice began scolding and grounding them wantonly and without disregard for their own safety. “If our kids are going to treat us like shit, we're going to treat them like shit,” says one father of four, “And if they don't go to church on Christmas eve, the ONE day a year we go, then fuck'em—NO presents this year for the little ingrates.”
Little Sally had something to add to her father's clear misbehavior. “If you don't straighten up dad and buy us everything we want, Satan is going to reign such a hellfire down on you, you'll be tore up mouth to fuckhole, and just wait till he has his minions go medieval on your ass.”
Satan, on the other hand, has been hearing these adorable Christmas wishes, and has had major issues in Africa. When asked point blank, African children do not actually know it's Christmas, and as far the greatest gift they'll be getting this year is life, one responded, “Fuck life, I want a Playstation 3!”
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