Corporations, who are now “people” according to specialized laws designed to protect wealthy investors, have been found to be “sluttier” than their eco-friendly counterparts, organic farmers, and fair trade coffee companies. “We seem a bit confused as to why these companies have been going topless to corporate events, letting anyone with a beer fuck them in the ass, and dump loads in their mouth if that person with a dollar bill is willing to give it up,” says one anonymous person on the street. “I mean, I didn't have a buck at the time, but all my buddies did, and took turns with Halliburton's ass like it was a pre-teen hooker on the streets of Mumbai guzzling jizz for school supplies. I don't know what that means for investors, but I'll say one thing—I like it!”Halliburton was not available for comment, but continued doped up on crystal meth to munch away on some fat guy's furry ass.
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