The U.N. is outraged at the number of deaths every fours years due not to hurricanes, droughts, or earthquakes, but from Olympic Fever.“We just don't understand how people can watch hundreds of hours of television for days on end without drinking, sleeping, or even masturbating,” said a member of the Olympic committee. “We don't have to worry about people in China not being able to breathe in Beijing and suing us, as most of the lawsuits are domestic and not subject to international law. International laws we ignore, but our domestic laws we cannot fiscally be expected to fulfill. It's just getting too expensive nowadays to pay politicians and judges off.”
One young girl's mother sued on the grounds that watching the ice skating championships gave her daughter pneumonia, and she is demanding two gallons of paint and an Ikea computer desk to make her deceased daughter's cluttered hovel into a computer room.
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Statistic show that there's a sharp drop in attacks on young girls by pedophiles during the gymnastics competitions. As a result, there are now discussions under way between the FBI, the FCC, cable operators, and the major broadcast networks to create a 24 hour Olympic gymnastic cable network. When asked about the proposed plan, President Bush said, "I don't know about kiddy porn, but I know what I like!"
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