MADD Drives Teens to Drink

A new study has shown that youngsters are more likely to drink and drive if their mother is involved in MADD, or Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
"The organization was created when enough bored housewives found their children stealing their vicodin and swilling them down with their husband's liquor before escaping in their older sibling's car and driving erratically to a lookout point to have unprotected sex with each other," says one officer of the court. "Charges have been laid out for these dangerous mothers, and we will find them and bring them to justice."
One dead teen remarked, "I didn't even drink when I was alive, but I kept being badgered so much about it I decided WTF, I'm doing it."
Seagram's has since launched a commemorative bottle of Whiskey denouncing these terrifying women, and supporting their children who only wanted to act out of total irresponsibility like other teens their age.