Study Links Alcoholism to Irish

A recent scientific study has linked liquor to alcoholism in the Irish. A bar in Killerny, Ireland was observed for a period of over ten minutes, and several renowned dressmakers have come to the conclusion that liquor does indeed contribute to alcoholism in the Irish. “Other factors pointed us away from our findings,” said one woman, “but in the end the more stuporous the subjects became, the more we noticed glasses of what can be described as none other than alcohol.”
The Irish then gathered en masse and swung their fists in a drunken rage at the women, beating them to death in the street whilst dancing a jig like the Lucky Charms guy.