“Ugly Betty” Election Fraud

Hilda Suarez, from the famed television hit show Ugly Betty, was taken into custody today after violating California Elections Code section 18521 (b), a law designed to stop people from being bribed with alcohol, food, or money. She wantonly, and without disregard for her paying customers, gave a 10% discount on slutty Brooklyn hairstyles to people “who had their stickers that they voted” on. In her defense, she retorted, “Oh no you di'n't! Starbucks is doing it, and you better call'em be-tch or I'm going ape-shape on your ass!”

When reached for comment Starbucks reminded authorities they did not require the sticker, and stated all people had to say was,”I voted,” so they weren't violating any law, but trying to excite and support the democratic process. Thousands of people filed lawsuits today in civil court against Starbucks who had gotten free cups of coffee but had lied to get them, as they didn't feel voting was actually worth a cup of crappy coffee, and therefore assert Starbucks was slandering their good names for making them lie, and drink their coffee.

Note: The editor of this article has since been sued by all parties for libel, and when court documents were received he ejaculated on them, shoved them in his mouth, and shouted with a muffled tone, “Festival! Festival!”