Holy Water Contains Stem Cells

Holy water blessed by priests has been found to actually contain stem cells. This was a shocking revelation to the church, as they had been told two millennia ago by Fr. Natas that the water he first baptized would not have stem cells, ever.

A young college student in front of the Vatican was asked about this, and she responded, “I don't have time for you right now. I have friends I'm meeting later, and I need to pickpocket some tourists for drink money. The two abortions I had are already gone. If you want stem cells, go to a lab.” The Vatican has not responded to her comments, but a local reporter filming her has since misplaced his wallet.