:-(

A bitter wunderkind from Salt Lake City, UT, has finally trademarked the “:-)” symbol used so commonly as an emoticon in chat rooms for a “smiley face.” The angst-riddled young lad was tired of everything he looked at being privatized, and so registered said punctuation marks in an attempt to get his little chubby hands on a piece of the pie. Anyone who now uses said emoticon will be paying this boy a licensing fee.
He's created a universal web bot to systematically install a keylogger on any computer using the Internet: anyone using the three punctuation marks consecutively will have twenty-five cents deducted from their bank account, Paypal account, or credit card. Those who do not have any form of payment system on their computer will be disconnected from the internet. In addition, anyone using one keystroke in one software program, and one more in another, and a third in another consecutively, will also be charged. When asked how he achieved this, the boy responded, “Fuck you!” and urinated on the leg of a local reporter.