AMA recalls cigars

The American Medical Association, in tandem with the American Psychiatric Association, has recalled millions of cigars, not on the grounds they cause cancer, but on the more dangerous grounds they make men feel like they have smaller penises than they actually do.
In addition to this, the AMA has mandated all heterosexual men stop smoking cigars, as it can lead to a desire to perform male-to-male fellatio. The cigars will be shortened for heterosexual men to not less than six inches; and in most cases, the cigars will be shortened to less than three inches for homosexual men who continue to smoke them like the world was coming to an end.
When asked about this clear disparagement in the sizes, a spokesman for Philip Morris claimed, "What? you want faggots to think they have bigger cocks than straight men? We already have that problem with deaf men."