Comely gay men are petitioning to have the marriage ban upheld in the supreme court, because of its inherent discrimination against them. “We've all been out at the late night bar crawls, the anonymous public park and bathroom sex, and the homophobic truck stops where we have to endure rough trade just to perform oral sex on someone, anyone, and we've had enough,” says one unattractive gay man. What seems to be the pivotal issue in this case is that hideous gay men, embittered by the idea that no one will either love or approve of them, face years of loneliness and isolation due to the prevalent fact that frequent and recurring booty calls lead to impending nuptials, events in which these men are continually denied.
One judge, who has a history of a “wide stance” in public restrooms, concurs, saying “These victims of the gene pool will never know love, so why put them through more suffering than what nature has already dealt them?” Opponents to these petitioners vehemently claim that marriage has nothing to do with love, or companionship, and that they are merely fishing for compliments to their looks, which according to the opponents, will not be forthcoming.
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